Starting over...

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I gave up on blogging back in March.  My husband and I were having major problems and I was sure that it was going to end in divorce.  Fortunately, (praise God) we overcame our differences and we just celebrated our 6th year anniversary.  However, at the end of the year, I'm still...dare I say it...FAT.  I know that we aren't supposed to say that word because it's so negative, but you know what, it's true.  I have a huge butt still and it's been like eight months since I've decided to go on a diet.  All of this is due to giving up.

Giving up is something I've always done.  I've always given up on relationships, projects, hobbies, and worst of all, I've given up on myself.  So. Many. Times.

How is this cycle broken?  At what point do you start telling yourself, "Keep going!  Don't quit!"?  It's a frustrating and heartbreaking cycle, to say the least.

For years I've tried to lose weight.  My heaviest weight was 225 on my 5'5" frame.  That was six years ago, when I married my husband.  My lightest weight was 169 right before I got pregnant with baby #3.  I gained a whopping 70 pounds with that pregnancy!  Currently, I float between 202 and 210 and I feel like I'm in the worst shape of my life.  I'm constantly fatigued, moody, and plagued with anxiety.

But for some reason, my health problems don't give me enough motivation to stick to a diet plan.  Chopping vegetables and measuring food seems like a painstaking task to me and I dread having to do it. Most days I just feel like laying on the couch or surfing the net, stuffing my face all day.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm suffering from depression. But I think what I'm suffering from is laziness.

So...what am I going to do about it?

The first thing I know I HAVE to do is cut out the sugar and processed foods that I so dearly LOVE.  Those are my weaknesses so it makes sense that they be the first things to go.  I'm going to do this for ten days and see how my body feels afterwards.  Then after those ten days, I'm going to incorporate another good habit.

My goal weight is 155.  I have 55 pounds to lose.  Can I do it?  Absolutely.  But will I do it?  I'm going to have to. 

What is something you've given up on and wish you hadn't?  How did it affect your life?